Leaving Bangkok 'Behind'

Day 4. 6^th February 17…Feet are in tatters!!

It's 5.30am and i'm woken by some party goers returning home. There were three young excitable lads who I’d noticed earlier in the evening checking in for the night. I’d wanted to say “STOP, NO, SAVE YOURSELVES!” But something devilish stopped me, I think I was silently pleased they were going to share my living hell hovel. They were oblivious to the surroundings to be honest, they were ‘champing at the bit’ to go party. I just knew it was them returning home…drunk, disorientated, bouncing off the walls and VERY loud. The staff, in an attempt to get the situation under control were telling them to be quiet to which they proceeded to hilariously ‘shush’ themselves with a bellowing

“SHUUUUSH!,….sorry,….oops,….SHUUUUSH!,…sorry” you could then hear one trip up the stairs and his mates drag him off to bed giggling amongst themselves….ahhh funny, those were the days…it made me think of Owen in a few years on his travels….I dropped back off to sleep with a smile on my face, all was forgiven.  

Feeling energised and ready for the day I have lunch at the strip then head off on foot (in an attempt to maintain some level of fitness) to the MBK centre. This is approximately 6km (approximately an hours walk) away. I started out ambitious with a rapid stride soon noticing a significant ‘slowing’ as my body temperature began to rise rapidly and the sweat began emerging in the soaring heat. I notice as i walk, the Thai’s use umbrella’s in the mid day sun…what a novel idea…sensibly protecting your skin from sun damage!….Frankly at this point I wanted to wrestle to the ground every person holding one and run off down the street dancing in Gene Kelly style…it was all ‘kicking off’ in my head which kept me entertained on the journey!   

The streets on the way were quieter, a more industrial environment of glass making, wood yards and metal work. There was the odd shop on route which I stopped for water reserves and ice lollies to revive myself. This wasn’t a tourist route and the locals appeared fascinated with my presence but left me respectfully alone. My patience began to wear thin however as every passing tuk tuk driver, motorcyclist and taxi stopped to haggle for custom. After refusing twice to answer him one particular motorcyclist insists “but where are you going?” I tauntingly reply “the moon”…”da mun?” he questions in a confused tone…I shake my head and walk on gleefully amused with myself. As most know I have a certain ‘glare’ when I’m not happy and they all got the full on medusa (it works a treat out here!). I just wanted to enjoy the journey in peace, and I did eventually …it was nice to break away from the city madness for a while.

The MBK Centre is a gigantic retail mall that sells pretty much ANYTHING you can imagine. Even if it hasn’t been invented yet you can buy it “cheap”, “veddy cheap” or “you like it... you buy it ...good price” from the five floors of retail containing thousands of stalls. I had a brief look around, but had little interest in the ‘sameness’ and tack of it all. The food market on the ground floor was my favourite. There was lots of weird and wonderful delights on offer, some mouth watering aromas / sights and some just DAMN RIGHT WRONG STUFF!. I mean who the *uck eats a massive spider or cockroach? ….whats wrong with folk….seriously rank.... I was not going there (Ben Bellamy, the pics below were taken specifically with you in mind).   

This led me on to ponder how a country in which a large percentage of population are Buddhists can extinguish the life of millions of creatures for essentially the self-absorbed gawking tourist? I now refer to this as the ‘tourism V povertygate debate' and leave it there....clearly there are no winners.

I decide to move on to a national park “Lumphini Park” which on foot was 30 minutes away from the MBK Centre. This place was tranquil and beautiful. It immediately reminded my of Central Park in New York, it had a very similar vibe….runners, families, thai chi and komodo dragons!!...I’d read up on the dragons and was vigilant but didn’t see one during my visit. I did nearly have a cardiac arrest though when a pigeon approached unbeknown to myself and tried to peck at my shoe….manky thing…it absolutely frit me to death….must have been a funny sight for the onlooker.

There was an impressive street aerobics class in the park with hundreds of participants…that was quite a sight, much more impressive than the public toilets….still no loo roll?…the saga frustratingly continues….

I head home on foot but the night is now drawing in and as I watch the sun elegantly disappearing behind the sky scrapers I find myself in the dark, on a scrappy dusty little street with traders sitting on the floor, their goods directly in front of them laid on a single item of clothing. Looking down I see each offering a collection of used mobile phones in varying conditions and it immediately struck me these were perhaps the consequential losses of earlier unsuspecting tourists. Its now dark and I was in native-territory, I don’t feel safe for the first time. So I flagged a tuk tuk driver, and despite my earlier rantings, threw in the towel on haggling jumped in and sped off for home. This was a lesson and my new rule is set: Never be more than 1 mile from home alone before nightfall. The tuk tuk experience was something else. They absolutely fly around the town, slipping into any gap sparing 1mm either side. I had to shut my eyes and seriously was afraid my face was gonna blow off.  Fab fun though. I made it home safe…phew.

Day 5. 7^th February 17…SOS I NEED A NEURALYZER!!

After yesterdays eventful day I decide to spend the day locally. I move on from bangkok tomorrow so there’s a bit of ‘house keeping’ I need to do. I set off with my bag of clothes to the laundrette. The lady advises they will be ready at 6’0clock…express service madam! Ha thats never happened in my house!!

My next job is to book an onward train ticket to my next destination, Chiang Mai. This is northern Thailand and as the weather isn’t so good in the south islands for the next week I decide to head north.

All booked! - The train is an overnight sleeper train, a 14 hour journey. I’m traveling second class in a compartment of 10 bunks (20 beds). I’m train No.13 (eek) carriage No.3, bed No.10 (bottom bunk). I read It’s a bit claustrophobic on the upper bunk so paid a little extra for the bottom. I’m gonna struggle with this on the whole but its all part of the experience so going to dig deep and get on with it.

A terrible thing happened to me this afternoon. I cannot get my head around it and am still reeling in shock......

I put on my nice summer dress, it was a change from the navy shorts I’d been sporting the day before which had turned my legs blue from the dye. I was feeling good. I had a nice relaxing lunch at a bar then wandered off to browse the market stalls on the strip. I was all pumped up ready for the haggling experience. I passed approximately a dozen stalls before I see a pretty little top I like. I catch a glimpse of the trader behind me so turn away from him slightly so he doesn’t think I’m too interested…. I’ve got this I’m thinking. He wails …“madam”…”madam” but I don’t respond and I’m feeling powerful now. “madam”…."MADAM"…..."MADAM!!!" he screams in a distressed tone. I turn slowly to meet his gaze where he’s frantically pointing wide eyed at my bottom. I reach round and feel nervously to the spot…. there’s no fabric there, I feel only flesh!!…it takes a little while to register and as I stand there groping my own backside the realisation hits that my pale, tainted blue, forty year old arse has been bared to Khao San Road! It wasn’t just a little hutch up either, it had rolled itself to my waist, right under my rucksack and with every step had got higher and higher.

I wanted the world to kin' swallow me up…. c’mon this *hit don’t really happen to normal people does it?... it’s only in the movies right?…spare me please lord. There is absolutely no embellishment in this story, regrettably its etched in my memory for eternity and I’m not sure I can live with the pain. Seriously I need the ‘men in black’ neuralyzer….please lord I’m begging, make it go away!

After a grappling struggle to reinstate my skirt to its rightful position, my superpowers have now left me. We both knew what had happened and the trader took to the podium….I was broken, defenceless, humiliated …..and paid the full asking price for his pretty little top.

I scuttled back to the hovel with my head hanging low kidding myself perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I first thought, I mean its probably all in my head right? So in an attempt to offer some comfort to myself I re-enact the senario in front of my bathroom mirror. My hands automatically grasp my face and my legs start to crumble as the evidence before me confirms this was public humiliation of epic proportion.

I just need time now to heal……

Parting note* On arrival I found Bangkok overwhelming but now I totally understand its charm and am actually sad to be leaving. I never thought i'd be saying this ....but I know I will return at some point.

See you in a few days from Chiang Mai x

I mean seriously, c'mon ffs!

Lumphini Park

Thai aerobics at Lumpini Park

My Knight in shining armour!!

My Favourite lunch ....400Baht (£9)

Ha Ha it couldn't elude me forever....my trusty new travelling companion :-)

I'm a proud new owner.... no wrestling involved!

A random find.

This image accurately describes what I feel when I look into many Thai women's eyes.