🎶 I can't feel my face when i'm with you....But I DON'T love it!! 😁😁😁

Day 14. 16^th February 17…An Honest Blog – The only certainty in life is change!!

I promised an honest blog which would include the high’s and lows of travelling alone and it’s now time to talk about my recent traumatic experience, hence me being quiet for the past few days.

It’s a little dull I’m afraid but the rough has to be taken with the smooth as they say.

In the weeks prior to leaving the UK I’d been experiencing toothache. I did not want this to affect my trip so visited my UK dentist the week before I departed. She prescribed me a course of antibiotics advising ….”it will probably settle down on its own, but take this course when the pain gets extreme”. She assured me this course of antibiotics would cure the problem and in the meantime she would do a referral to the specialist for my return in August. (Apparently the waiting list was this long anyway!!).

The day after I landed in Bangkok my face swelled and the pain became intense. So following guidance, I religiously took the 5 day course of antibiotics. The swelling reduced after a couple of days (of looking like the elephant man) and I then moved on to Chiang Mai. On arrival in Chiang Mai the pain returned approximately 48 hours after finishing the course and intensified to the point I couldn’t concentrate on anything but the pain….it was excruciating.

This is where being alone in a foreign country really hits home. I felt extremely vulnerable, in agony and not knowing where to turn. Like a true Brit I hit my internal panic button and whipped up a complete *hit storm in my head. Thoughts such as ….I’m gonna die out here alone…they only use dirty scalpel's and folding tables in foreign countries right?… .they haven’t got the skills and technology that the UK have?….shall I board the next flight home? I don’t want friends and family back home to worry. Those who know me well however, know my biggest phobia is the dentist….it’s my worst nightmare come true and I’m tossed and twisted in the midst of the storm!!

I worked myself into a complete hysterical state by this point and being honest was petrified and had a complete emotional melt down!! (this is not a sympathy plea, it all blew up about a week ago now but I’m just trying to be honest so anyone in a similar situation can gain some comfort from it). My breaking point was 8am in the morning of 14th Feb. It’s 1am in the UK so I can’t call anyone for comfort (I just wouldn’t do that , they cannot help me and would worry) so I decide to head off to a local park I find on the internet….its about a 30 minute walk. As I walk I begin to observe my irrational thoughts and the emotional impact this was having on my already suffering and weakened body, I realise I was simply compounding the problem.

I force myself to ignore these thoughts, and the pain and concentrate only on the surroundings of the journey and park. The trees, people exploring, relaxing the birds chattering, sun shining, fountains roaring. I physically watch my myself becoming calmer with sensible and rational thinking returning with every step. In a reasonably short time I managed to conclude the following:

• Being sensible and realistic no one can help me. I need to help myself.  
• Not making a decision = accepting everything remains the same!
• There is little point in returning to the UK. My dentist there has already failed me. It will take days to get home, then get an appointment and then a prescription to work etc, ….it would take about a week to feel better.
• Where is my supporting evidence to demonstrate dental care abroad is worse than the UK?…..I realise this is a conditioned and ignorant view and quickly accept it could actually be a better experience following research.
• The longer I avoid dealing with this situation, the more I am imposing suffering on myself.
• Who is this feeble, pathetic person? GET A GRIP...I had promised before I left the UK I was strong enough to do this alone and I will now do whatever it takes to fulfil my dream.

Buak Had Park, Chiang Mai, a simply stunning place. A calming place for reflection.

It was a moment of self realisation that I’ll never forget. I thankfully managed to recognise the suffering I was creating for myself and after spending an hour or so at the park felt 100% emotionally stronger and ready to take on this challenge. This was a proud moment for me, I had the skill set (unbeknown to myself) to recognise my own destructive tendencies and correct the behaviour – a powerful tool for the future. I scurry home whilst the 'good times' last, put on my lucky pants and head off in search of a solution......

After a failed consultation at a local dental surgery (for which they didn’t charge…can you image that in the UK?) they advise I head for the local Chiang Mai RAM Hospital. I arrive at the hospital which is huge. It’s a new building, very clinical but oozed efficiency and I received a friendly welcome. After initial consultation and some xrays they refer me to a specialist and ask me to come back for surgery in 5 days. I  crumble and beg them politely (as Thai's will not accept displays of hostility or angry outbursts- I read this in my research!!) “I cannot endure another 5 days”…they review their diary and give me an appointment for the next day.

After an anxious wait I return the following day. I enter Consulting Room 2. The specialist is a young Thai girl (about 30 I’d guess), she was beautiful, gracious, dignified and very comforting. I did explain my phobia and that my fast pounding heart was a consequence of this. She comforted me by putting her hand on my leg and said she understood and would look after me. I felt immediately safe and calm in her presence.

 I’m in the chair for about an hour listening to the comforting classical music the surgeon plays in the background. In Thailand when conducting surgery they cover your entire face with a heavy square cloth, with only an opening where the mouth is. …I felt like I was heading for the electric chair…or the invisible man with only a hole where his mouth was through the bandages lol ….this was very weired but good I guess as I couldn’t see the instruments!

Not the greatest image....but you kind of get what I mean about the mask!!

My stash of medication to make me 'all good' again 😀...  

Side Note* A bonus in Thailand is you can pretty much buy any antibiotic or painkiller for pennies...over the counter without prescription. Clearly you need to know what you require and check the ingredients ...but this can speed the process rather than waiting for lengthy appointments.

I’m not going to describe the surgery as it was pretty damn awful ….but finally it’s over. After 4 No. anaesthetic injections I have only a quarter of my tongue left with sensation….I try to communicate, to thank the team for their efforts…but it doesn’t come out, just a blubbering, slavering blurb and we all laugh together! They were absolutely fantastic, very different from the experience I believe I would have received in the UK.... I could have kissed her!!

I would honestly say to anyone needing medical attention…don’t be afraid, do research for services in the local area (trip adviser offers great reviews) and get medical attention ASAP.                              

Its 26 hours since the surgery now and its been rough….I felt like my head has been kicked off…smashed with a lump hammer and sewn back on backwards! Its been extremely painful but this morning I’m feeling with every passing hour the pain is beginning to subside  – I’m not out of the woods yet... but I’m going to take my time, look after myself fingers crossed all will be OK!!

I have to stay in Chiang Mai for a further 5 days as I have to complete another course of antibiotics and return to have the stitches removed on Monday 20^th February and hopefully then i'll be discharged.. So I’m sorry folks I will be a little quiet while I recover but be assured I’m all good, on the mend and am aiming to get moving as soon as sensibly possible so I can share some more adventures with you!!

Remember - There's no challenge presented to you that you cannot handle, some challenges are just a little more MONSTROUS than others!!

Best wishes for now

Clair x

P.S. A very BIG thank you to the few friends and family who randomly contacted me, so were aware of this yesterday. Your support and well wishes proved invaluable and kept me strong in the aftermath of it all. I'm thinking of you with gratitude as I write this and love you very much. Everybody needs somebody xxx