I’ve packed my trunks and I'm off to the circus!!

Day 8. 10^th February 17…I’ve packed my trunks and I'm off to the circus!!

Chiang Mai is a complete contrast to Bangkok, it’s a much slower pace of life.

The most popular transport here is the Songteaws. These are essentially a red truck converted to accommodate benching to the rear.  Each truck holds up to 10 people, although some crazies do hang out the back. It basically works with the first person entering the truck getting dropped to their destination first. There are 3 main districts to Chiang Mai, The night bazaar (which is busy), the tranquil riverside (more luxurious) and the Old Town (where most back packers are). Its pennies to travel in these so a bit of a scenic tour is fine. I’m staying in the old town and my hotel is a breath of fresh air compared to the unforgettable hovel.

The layout reminds me of an American motel where the rooms have wooden door entries directly to outside. The staff are really friendly, they go out of their way to accommodate their guests. I’ve immediately noticed though every building you enter in Chiang mai, you have to remove your shoes? The WC, The hotel, bars etc, not too sure why as this was not the case in Bangkok but there are subtle differences I’m beginning to realise.

The old town is basically an ancient city which was enclosed within a rectangular castle wall. It has a moat surrounding it, remnants of the wall still exist in certain areas.

I’ve wandered the town a little and I’m happy here but for something more you really need to leave the town. So today I have booked myself on a tour. Included is bamboo rafting, a short hike and a visit to the elephant sanctuary.

Its 6.50am and I’m waiting to be collected. A friendly guy also staying at the hotel (I’d been discussing tours with the night before) was outside too. He came over and sat with me. I don’t know his name but he’s from Jerusalem, he speaks very good English. He’s young (maybe mid twenties) quite tall, very handsome, confident. He was heading to Chiang Rai for the day. I couldn’t help noticing he was looking tired and a little dishevelled. He began his story…..”I went to a gay bar last night, I had too much to drink…I started with beers and soon ended up on cocktails….I lost count of how many I have already!” I’m smiling, recalling that feeling bless him…it hurts, I know. He then announced…”I saw a man in the gay bar, I like him and couldn’t take my eyes off him, I wanted to make him mine….” I’m not sure where this is heading but I hang in there, he continues “I won him he is Canadian and I spent the night with him”. The moment he’d got this off his chest he opened up like a glowing flower….I can see he’s recalling the detail whilst I’m sitting there. I was happy to listen to his story….it was lovely to see someone experiencing that spark of attraction, he was beaming! I waved goodbye and went off to my tour smiling and hoping there’d be another instalment ….c’mon, we’re all suckers for a love story!!    

I’m the last pick up and so am at the open end of the songteaw and as it rips through the streets there’s about a metre between me and the fast disappearing road!!

Our group on the truck - Danny Devito's hanging on the back - with no top on of course!

The group introduce themselves and consist of:

• ·      A French middle aged couple – He wore speedo’s
• ·      A young couple – she is Lithuanian, he is from Denmark
• ·      2No. Canadian guys in their late twenties
• ·      A German man in his late fifties

Rumbling along the road my attention (or in fact everyone’s attention) is initially drawn to a loud Canadian. His hair is shaved at the sides with a long top which he puts in a ponytail. He reminded me instantly of a young Danny Devito in ‘Twins’, he sounded like him too. He wanted the world to hear his song. My sociopath radar is triggered and the sirens goes off in my head....avoid, avoid, avoid!!! I know I’m going to struggle through the day listening to this dribble.

The German guy (Max) strikes up conversation, but its difficult as his English isn’t great and I’m having to play charades to get him to understand. In fact as time moves on it quickly becomes evident that no-one on the truck understands ‘Clifton’!!.  I’m exhausted after an hour or so and in the end felt like that person in the little box to the corner of your TV screen who sign languages for people with hearing difficulties!

We arrive at the first site for bamboo rafting and the guide introduces himself. A young local lad around 20 years old. He says we won’t remember his Thai name so we can call him Justin Bieber. He amused me and what an amazing lad….I felt so proud of him. His energy for life was incredibly infectious, he was very funny, often quipping about the ‘lady boys’ and doing impressions…. He says “avoid lady boy, they will boom boom you!!”. He said “Singha beer is drunk in Thailand only by lady boy”…..and I’ve had a couple of these whilst here already!!

   

Justin Bieber!

We change and get onto the raft, this is 10No. large bamboo canes strapped together, approximately 4 metres long. I’m at the back behind the French couple and Max. We definitely had a weight transfer problem on our raft, it was rocking and rolling and the guide was struggling to control it. Either that or he’d been on the whisky the night before….anything goes here remember. We head down river, the tranquillity and scenery absolutely stunning….this probably would have been my favourite moment this far into the trip if it wasn’t for Max. This bungling Walter Mitty character has absolutely no idea how to conduct himself in social situations. He’d invested in the new ‘GO PRO’ series 5, it’s voice activated. So get comfy and imagine the picture …..your floating blissfully down the river, birds singing, the smell of fires burning (local tribes live in shacks on the waters edge), the sun gleaming on the still water……and this chump shouting every 2 minutes “GO PRO Video nammas SCHTAT!”  or “GO PRO Video nammas SCHTOP!”. The device simply wouldn’t respond to him until he brought it to his mouth…..and he just kept going and going at it…...tell me just what was the point?? Quite frankly these people need shooting, I wanted to strap Max to a rocket and launch him off the end of the raft!

To top it all off as we got about a mile down stream we hit ground and the raft wouldn’t budge so the French man (wearing speedo’s remember) bends over to lend the guide a hand, I nearly threw up as the full rear view of his ‘low hanging fruit’ was bared. Bejesus I’ve had better mornings….

And there we all are, the French couple (speedo man), Max the chump and me. 

We have lunch and head off trekking to the elephant camp…this is about an hour away. I struggled with this in the heat. It was a nice route though past a school and local tribe etc.

Arriving at the elephant sanctuary I’m a little nervous about what I’d see. I did research this as I feel strongly against cruelty to animals and to ride or punish them for me is categorically wrong. The elephants were in a field and came over to scrounge for fruit. There were two small ones and one large elephant (the mother I think). They seemed reasonably content. The trip includes to give them a mud bath and then shower them off. For me, the animals at this point didn't seem happy and that made me uncomfortable so I didn’t partake too much in this and simply observed them. They were not mistreated in any way that I saw but I couldn’t help feel masses of strangers around them asking them to perform like monkeys is not ok. it was like a circus and left me feeling i may have compromised my morals slightly here. I will not visit another animal sanctuary.

   

The day ends at a waterfall where Danny Devito tries to win my approval…I think he knows I’m avoiding him and everyone else has endured hours of him. He asked whether I'd like to meet up with their group later? I felt panic inside but managed to sweetly say… “I’m sorry I really can’t tonight” …….well c’mon I couldn’t really blurt out I’d rather stab myself and bleed slowly to death could I?

Overall it was a really enjoyable day and I did manage to zone the idiots out. I did have some lovely conversations, but unfortunately they don't make such interesting reading. The journey home was undulating and made me feel really quite queezy….my brain is absolutely fried and I’m physically drained…..ahhh there’s nowt as queer as folk...which leaves me to say.....

And the 'Gret Plonker' of the day award goes to Max from Munich.....

Night Night x