That awkward moment where your wearing Nikes but you can't do it!

Just made me smile...

I wanted to hire a car for the south but was advised against it by YHA staff suggesting forecast snow may make lone driving difficult beyond Franz Josef (this proved later to be the wrong advice). Reluctantly I opt for the public transport option. You purchase coach time and plan your trip/route accordingly. The service is very good and amazingly efficient but it limits your flexibility and I find myself pining for freedom, often with my nose longingly pressed to the glass. 

The views on the journey to Queenstown are stunning. I regret not stopping off at Wanaka, a picture perfect little town we pass through set on a lake. The scenery in the south is natures perfection. New Zealand is like that, it leaves you full of regret because it's all so beautiful, but on such a tight (and what I now realise ridiculous) schedule AND budget I must stay focused.

The gorgeous Queenstown

I'd seriously struggled to get accommodation in Queenstown and trawled the net for hours to land the 'best of the budget remnants', it's so busy with the ski season starting, and as we arrive into town I'm overwhelmed....it's heaving, a romantic young lovers winter wonderland ....ahhh man, my heart feels heavy - I can feel inside this is going to be tough going emotionally.

I'm not feeling great, I'm in low spirits on arrival and decide uncharacteristically to head out on a mission....a mission to get kin' drunk! I find a bar and the pleasant young hippy barman tells me I've arrived on the first day of the Queenstown Winter Festival (a sort of official opening for the ski season) spanning the forthcoming weekend and it was going to get VERY lively! It's 6pm and I've now consumed two pints of  6.5% 'EPIC' craft beer and my mission is complete (I can't drink anymore) - getting drunk is so cheap and easy these days! I head home and start researching things I can do the following day. I need something to shake me back to life and with the booze falsely heightening my confidence I feel I can take on the world asking "what ya got for me Queenstown?". In a moment of what I can only describe as drunken insanity I book a bungy jump...A KIN BUNGY JUMP FFS! After a few hours the alcohol is leaving my bloodstream, as was the colour in my face along with my drink fuelled bravery ....and I ask myself "what've you done now you crazy *ucker!" ...it's about then panic sweeps through my body and the nervous tense countdown begins.

I can understand why no one wanted room No. 10 in the Haka Lodge hostel. It's right next to the entrance doors. They give you a code as they lock up at eight. As you can imagine, a steady stream of drunken travellers return from the festivities between 11pm and 2am all having forgotten the code and banging to gain attention from the unmanned reception. A German guy decides to use my entrance door as the communication point for his calls back home....hours and hours of constant drone.....then to finish me off the couple in the room above embark on an early morning marathon sex section. I'm in hell. I put my earphones in wishing it all would come to an end but even on full volume, practically bursting my own eardrums I couldn't drown out the wannabe porn stars excitable bumping, slaps, moans and screams....Jesus I've had better evenings!

I wake groggy from the night of constant disturbance realising I've got to jump off a kin bridge today ....attached to a piece of elastic ...'oh lord help me', I need saving from myself I'm thinking. The moral of the story: DO NOT DRINK ALONE and then believe you can make rational decisions - you cannot, you just make TWATTY ones!!

So what do you do in these situations - I try to cancel it of course, but no way are they having any of it. "I'm sorry mam it's in the small print - No refunds" I'm politely told ...and my fate is sealed.....

 Limited options!!

I don't jump until 3pm and the tension is mounting up. I check in and can barely breath in rhythm, every breath laboured. Everyone in the group is at least 20 years my junior and has spectator support or friends to draw confidence from. I'm alone and struggling to mentally rationalise the situation into something palatable ....and to stop myself hyperventilating. Looking down at number 68 marker penned onto my hand we're led to the bridge. My legs are physically quivering like jelly...uhh it's unbearable. I see a young girl dive off releasing a spontaneous ear curdling scream and fear tears through my body, I let out a warbling panic stricken sigh. There are two young lads ahead of me, they're pumped up and nervously pacing and twitching. I express my fear to the organiser and the boys overhear. "Do you want to go before us lady?" they ask seeing my meltdown nearing hysteria. They were really lovely saying: "go on just get it out the way, just don't look down lady, you'll be rite!" In literally a snap decision I go for it. I sit on the ledge and watch them wrap a navy blue towel around my ankles then wrap the harness around the towel and fix to the bungy with a simple 'G' clamp.... it's crude and doesn't feel substantial enough. I ask the crew if they've done this before? Stupid question right....they burst out laughing! My heart is physically ripping itself out of my chest. They stand me on the ledge and ask me to shuffle my toes over the edge. I have NEVER been so PETRIFIED in all my life and no words of comfort from the 'inner self' or amazing crew could console me....I was screaming inside to 'stop the effin world I need to get off' but somehow with blind faith and every last drop of courage I can rinse from my body I bend my knees and leap ....OH MY GOD! the world stopped....... it all turned silent, like a lonely fall into a blue sky abyss... free falling twisting, disoriented and a human swinging pendulum - the feeling ineffable. It's hands down and without doubt the most physically terrifying experience of my entire 43 years on this planet!

 I'm only smiling because I was told to!

This is the famous Kawarau Bridge site. The first ever established bunny jump site in the world created by AJ Hackett in 1988.

I was told once you've jump it gets easier - it doesn't (the toughest part is fighting the bodies natural resistance), that 'you'll feel liberated and ecstatic once you've done it' - I didn't. I was numb with shock shaking for hours and know I will have reoccurring nightmares for years to come about standing on that ledge....holy moly I'll not forget that experience - NEVER EVER!

I take a trip to Milford Sound, south of Queenstown. Milford Sound is an ice carved fiord formed by a giant glacier (up to 200m deep) grinding its way into the sea, creating a sheer sided valley. The glacier eventually melted, the sea flooded in and Milford sound was created. It's a very beautiful setting. I did a cruise which was nice, but the whole area and set up was a bit too touristy for my liking.

It's my last day in Queenstown and it has managed to win over my affections - no contest really. The atmosphere of the town and all the festivities is extremely cosy and uplifting. The past week has changed my view again of New Zealand, I get it now. Beside the stunning natural environment, the innocence of the country is for me its outstanding feature. A pleasant, un-evolved, simplistic, completely trusting and honest culture right through from a little bird to human. If i consider my idea of a perfect approach to life, Kiwi's have got it. They're not bogged down with drama and negativity and their general outlook on life is genuinely positive. I don't believe it's a choice thing, I don't believe they know any different, they've just not experienced the drudgery of the rest of the world. It's a breath of fresh air. 

On the skyline gondola

On the ski lift to go on the Luge. I was like a demon....no way was I letting anyone pass me...not even children! They did try but i was having none of it...look at me i'm happy and totally victorious!!

I received a meal as part of the organised afternoon. A Sunday roast...WOW my first taste of a cooked dinner, and real meat in five months....it was heaven....and devoured!

The festival fireworks....the atmosphere was great. I can still smell it. 

New Zealand has been the toughest trip of all in terms of loneliness and I think it's because it's beauty is destined to be shared. Most of my time is spent being invisible. The younger generation generally don't see you at all with many making no effort to communicate whatsoever. I'm used to being alone so can handle this but on my last afternoon in Queenstown a young Australian lad (Jack) bounds into the communal kitchen at the hostel in his psychedelic baggy pants, strikingly blue eyes, youthful skin, gorgeous infectious smile (that makes you smile reactively) long curly brown hair tamed by a beanie, he's 18 years old. He opens "Gooday how's it going?" I'm surprised as he perches on the end of my table bench and launches into a full conversation with me. This lad was bursting with life, enthused and driven by a taste of independence and freedom. He's an apprentice carpenter/plasterer from Brisbane and on his first backpacker experience with his girlfriend. I was so proud of this lad. Our conversation was nothing much, (and he has no idea the impact this had) but his manners, respectful and unperturbed approach to me changed the course of my day. He literally breathed life into me. We forget how important communication is ....so just remember, your simple (genuine) smile CAN change a persons day, speaking to someone (just a few words) CAN change their thoughts at the cost of just a few given moments of time, and your kindness CAN change the course of their life. It's these precious heart warming moments I treasure and make every lonely heartbeat all worthwhile.

Lake Pukaki

I know the pics look the same...they're not of course, but I've included them as they're memories I want to hold.

Kea View Point, Mount Cook

My view of New Zealand had been changing with each passing day and no matter where I've been on my travels over the past five months, things always seem to get better and better even when you genuinely believe they can't. Today my visit to Mount Cook sky rocketed New Zealand into my top three favourites. This place did something indescribable to me, an instant powerful and overpowering connection. It stripped me of my western, suspicious and cynical mentality in my first stride and took me to a natural, calm almost spiritual state (whatever that means). I walked for two hours along a simple wooden path with towering, insanely beautiful nature surrounding me. I felt so small, so humbled by it's power and dominance, it was as if my heart physically burst open....and those few precious hours of solitude in these surroundings changed everything..... 

White feather clouds hovering above the mountains

Lake Takapo

I arrive in Christchurch after dark. It's about a 10minute walk to my hostel, a couple of minutes in I hit a city centre street littered with intoxicated homeless people, it's like a street party. They are staggering like zombies or collapsed in shop doorways completely out of it. It's like a scene from that film 'Shaun of the Dead'. I weave through the stiffened awkward bodies, one thrusting his face and stale alcohol breath into mine saying "spare any change maaaam" it was extremely intimidating and the 'menacing' vibe here was very different to the festive, romantic Queenstown I'd left this morning.  I become aware of footsteps behind me getting closer, almost scurrying in the dark shadows behind me. I always keep my wits about me like this and use the persons shadow to judge distance, often stopping to allow someone too close to pass, but I wanted to get to the hostel and to safety. It goes on for a little while and the shape gets taller and more intimidating as I take faster strides. Enough now i think, I stop dead and turn on my heels to nothing? ...As I lower my head I'm met by the startled gaze of a little scrawny girl (under 5ft at my feet) about 16, wide eyed looking up at me. I realise immediately what's going on "Are you going to the YHA Hostel?" I ask her "yes", she timidly nods with fearful enthusiasm....and continues: "I got scared by those people, the driver said I should follow you, but your quick and I couldn't keep up!" I put my hand on her shoulder in relief, and say "ahhh bless ya, c'mon we'll walk together at your pace". I never admitted how much she fit me up or that I was scared too by the street antics.....well sometimes you've just got to offer your fellow man a free ride on your backbone, allowing them to believe in you, it strangely helps you find inner courage (a sort of protective instinct) in that moment.

Christchurch was broken by a major earthquake back in 2011 which claimed 288 lives. Damage is still evident and the city is undergoing major renovation and restoration. The people's approach is positive but It's sad to see the harsh effects of a natural disaster like this. It has a vibe of an eastern country ravished by war. It's an unimaginative town in terms of buildings I'm not keen on it. With only a few hours before my flight I visit the botanical gardens and catch the charmingly ancient tram for a whistle stop tour of the town. Condemned and buildings awaiting demolition are everywhere and existing heritage sites are being 'propped up' awaiting funding for restoration. A makeshift shopping centre was formed temporarily after the quake from cargo containers. These are still in situ six years on and likely to remain now, it's quite cute to see. Knowing further quakes are expected rebuild strategies include deeper foundations, use of more steel and limiting build height to six storeys. It's admirable to see people essentially risking their lives bound by fierce loyalty to a city they love.

Christchurch Cathedral torn apart by the earthquake

The peace bell....they need to ring this bloody thing on that homeless street....see if it 'rings' some sense into them

Botanical Gardens - a blindfolded man making his way waist high through murky waters ...mmm is this an artists impression of my life i'm thinking?

I visited the art gallery in Christchurch....I mean c'mon seriously, isn't this just a multibeton job?!

Temporary shopping centre made from cargo containers.

Back in Auckland I take a trip out to Rotorua. It's a town built on land donated as part of the 'Fenton Agreement'. The town bemuses me when we arrive, it's like a sort of hillbilly town, noticeably full of overweight and unkempt locals with rotting teeth. They look and act like radioactive substance has made it's way into their water supply, or they're all addicted to crystal meth.....it was honestly really weird and creepy. 

The ground is full of geothermal activity in Rotorua, hot springs and geysers. The smell of sulphur is overwhelming and memories of an amazing trip to Iceland with Iain a few years back come flooding back. It's one of those moments when you realise the depth and enormity of the activity beneath our twinkle toes. 

A walk beside the lake.

Still and beautiful Rotorua Lake

I revisit the theatre on my last night for an amateur performance of 'E Kore Muri E Nokia (or simply Mo and Jess Kill Susie). I like the intimacy of the amateur productions. We are all seated in a square surrounding the cast (about 25 people), and it begins.......On the first sentence I realise my error.... its all in Te Rea Maori language...I can't understand a frickin' word of it...I can't leave as its such a small group, I don't know when to laugh so try to copy the audience and keep getting it wrong - it was a disaster ha ha ha.... an hour and 10 minutes of my life, gone and I can never get back!

Tomorrow I fly to Sydney where Owen lands to meet me the following day. I cannot describe in words the excitement to see my boy after five months apart......I'm soooo excited! So c'mon my little ray of teenage grumpy sunshine ....lets get this Australian adventure and party started!....see you soon with tales from 'The Twits' on tour xxx

Pinned to a toilet wall, I just liked it......