Your so VAIN, you probably think this blog is about you....

Day 47 - 21st March 2017

Well we've all experienced airport immigration services....today I experienced the 'land crossing' immigration services. What carnage this was. I travelled from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore by bus (which was quite a comfortable experience)...all passengers are told to take their things and head for immigration. Nobody...and I mean NOBODY had a fecking clue what they were doing. I queued over two and a half hours and when I eventually found the bus (which disappears after disembarking) not a single fellow passenger had arrived back. Fortunately I had the sense to make note of the bus number (your impressed right!😉). After another 30 minute wait ...still no-one arrived? the driver shouted "YOU ...come with me!"...so like a sheep I start to follow, though admittedly with a little apprehension. He takes me across the diesel fume filled coach station and introduces me to a young raggedy man (not in uniform) and not the same bus company and announces "get on his bus!"...I'm panicking now. I tried to reason..."you can't just expect me to get on a random bus?" and I point back to the bus I came on and tell him "I want to go on 'that' one" (a big mistake in Singapore...you must not point)...he starts ranting at me in Malaise and I don't understand a word. The other driver then wrestles for my bag but I'm not giving it up "just get on de bas!" the new driver says. I ask "where are you going?"... "your stop" he replies. I'm scanning the passengers on the bus now to see if this is plausible...phew they look like they're off to bingo...ok..so I then ask "which seat?"... "ANY SEAT!" he shouts..."JUST GET ON DE BAS!" I did have to laugh...they were at the end of their tether with me. My original driver was doing me a massive favour allowing me to get on another bus to avoid the long wait for the others through immigration, but the language barrier and my overzealous imagination of being 'human trafficked' had made me nearly miss this act of kindness...I never got to thank him and felt bad about my character assassination of him.

As we drive through Singapore the dense collection of impressive sky scrapers and contemporary architecture is overwhelming...its a jaw dropping moment of WOW! My first impression is this is more of a finished article than the Kuala Lumpur 'wanna be', but for some reason ...I'm not feeling it. Its 'designer', opulent, wealthy, ostentatious and incredibly VAIN! However, I have a rule of staying 48hours in a place before making a firm judgement so lets see how things pan out...

The Sky Park Hotel...On the top is bars, restaurants and an infinity pool!

This is the only time I've ventured out after dark but wanted a few images to capture the flamboyancy of it all...my phone wasn't up to it in the end and the images poor...but you get the flavour.

There are quite a lot of rules for entry in Singapore...no chewing gum, oral liquids and a huge list of banned medications. I lost my 'chewy', mouthwash and all my 'black market' medical supply stash....gutted, I'm beginning to think it wasn't worth it 😞.

I arrive at the hotel and get hit with multiple hidden charges which increase the already overinflated price to three times my normal accommodation budget...for a tiny single room with no window and a gaping hole in the duvet! I'm losing my patience but know I need to give this place a fair chance. The next day I decide to extend my stay another night to calm down and fully explore the city and ask the hotel staff the rate...of course this was even higher than I'd previously paid so I decide to look for an alternative.

A few doors down there's a nice looking hostel so I pop in there. "I'm sorry mam...we're all full", the warm receptionist states apologetically. I notice a man hovering around at the reception who's clearly 'earwigging'. I thank the receptionist and make my way across the street to another hostel (not quite so pretty). The 'hoverer' follows and beckons me...I turn and there he is in all his glory... the sweating, greasy, pot bellied, balding, panting (he's only walked 6 steps) specimen. He stops close to me inhaling a drag of his cigarette and begins in a 'shifty whispering' tone of voice ....."you alone?"..I begin a reply but before my lie can get fully underway he interjects...."I have a room, a bed, you can share with me....you don't need to pay?". I'm stunned and in that moment am reduced to playing 'musical statues', frozen, gobsmacked, fixated on the drifting swirls of smoke from his lit cigarette which slowly smother my face. I regain consciousness, cough and uncomfortably thank him politely declining...It did make me laugh as I walked away mentally noting it as a 'near miss'. I guess I'll never know for sure what this mans intentions were...it of course could have been a generous act of kindness?....but theres no way as long as I remain on this planet I was sticking around to find out!

I'm staying in the 'Muslim quarter'...this is the street I'm staying on and I move across the road for final my night at the 'Superb Hostel' on the left in this picture. This district is actually quite charming, a stroll down Arab Street allows you to integrate and see life as a local muslim, the mosque sits in the heart of it all. I do like the hustle and bustle of it all and indulged in some fantastic street food..

The Superb Hostel literally took my breath away tough, the damp moth ball stench overwhelming. the metal bunk bed contains plastic mattresses and a dubious 'flea'-sy blanket (that is not coming anywhere near me). I immediately gave the place a more 'fitting' title...'The Funksville Doss House' (FDH). To rate the place on a scale of 1-10 (1 being bad) I'd give it -5001...no joke! My room is like a cell...it has absolutely nothing in it and absolutely nothing going for it! The owner was really proud to show me to my room...saying I was lucky because my room had a window...which is opaque gaudy coloured glass contributing absolutely nothing to the space!

So which did I choose...top or bottom?.

There was one toilet shared between ten rooms....mainly Muslim men...it was a mess. I had to refrain from drinking liquids to avoid the necessity of using it!

This is the closest I've ever been, and ever hope to be 'doing time'. I'm feeling right now I've lost all my civil rights!

The racket in the hostel went on throughout the night ....Ive got to now raise, having spent 5 days with a muslim family back in Kuala Lumpur and 4 days in the muslim quarter in Singapore theres a running theme with constant bathroom activity. All through the night there are trips to the WC and the 'bidet sprayer" or simplified 'bum washer' seems to be in constant use?

I did some research and find: In Islamic culture the right hand must not touch the genitals. The WC must be entered first with a prayer and then with the left foot, exit with a prayer and right foot first. You must not speak whilst defecating and all 'areas' must be clean before prayer. It is forbidden to use toilet paper, hence the use of the Bidet Sprayer....yep...'bum washer'

They have seven prayer times a day including 2.45am, 5.45am  and 7am in Malaysia which is why I'm hearing this regular pattern. This is incredible commitment has given me many sleepless nights....but now having researched it I understand it better, nevertheless it's still extremely frustrating!

To tip me over the edge the mosque sends prayers and songs over a loud tannoy system in line with prayer times.....this eerie, haunting sound makes me shiver. I have to chuckle to myself and question why I always seem to manage to find myself in the most ridiculous of circumstances....ahh well I'll manage one night!

After a night of no sleep I'm literally hanging...my coach departs at 7am, though I've never been happier for an early start and a chance to sprint away from this place.

I spent a few days zipping around Singapore on the amazingly well organised, regular and clinically clean MRT rail network. Everything here is absolutely spotless and incredibly efficient. I can sense the former British influence, with many similarities to home but it also has an oriental vibe and is heavily populated with Chinese. On a very positive note I feel completely safe here.

I've visited most of the iconic land marks which are included in the pics below....each one almost 'theatrical' oozing class, intricate delicacy, elegance and detailed to absolute perfection. Theres a big focus on family here too. Its a great place to bring children with many 'disney' themed areas around the city. I genuinely would recommend a visit if your interconnecting on a flight for a few days.

The 'gardens by the bay'

The island of Sentosa and Palawan beach below

China Town....The poor crabs fate below was sealed for the highest lunch bidder. There is no way on this earth I could take the life of any living creature (mozzy's excluded!) to serve my appetite or because 'its fashionable'.

My mums not going to like this one...this is quite a lot of 'Tufty Ducks' been crisped!

The extravagant and famous 'Orchard Road"

The botanic gardens...this was my first ice cream, look I how happy I am ..I look like a kid in a candy store and ever so special!

This is a huge ornament at Marina Bay called 'Rain Oculus'...its mesmerising. I stood for about 30mins fascinated watching the vortex swirl up and down the giant clear glass bowl....I wanted to get inside and slip away down the plug hole!

In summary Singapore for me is a country from the future, they've taken all the 'best bits' from western intelligence and created something thats multiple decades ahead of anything else I've ever seen. Its wealth has been invested positively into the city and its people. Its structures are stunningly magnificent...you cannot help be wowed by what this place has to offer, but for me I can't help feeling for me its too westernised, clinical and somewhat soulless. It is by far the most evolved, developed and 'current' city....but nearing completion I'm left wondering whats next for Singapore?....Where can you go from perfection?

A few randoms to enjoy.....

To all of you reading...but I'm dedicating this little find to Owen x

Check out the club rules... ahh funny..loving no sleeping in the toilet! 

(Kempy we're going to be in trouble if these apply in Vietnam!)

This was the speciality dish...a roast chicken with a can of budweiser stuck up its ass?...called 'beer canned chicken'....made me laugh I did a double take!

Well I learnt something new today at the botanic gardens....I never knew pineapples grow on plants not on trees....I had to ask WIKI just to be sure....so now I know...did you?

Meet the 'durian' fruit....I hate it. Its  caught me out a few times. Basically its pungent and tastes rank! Its been hidden in a few things I've tried...my heart sinks when the distinct stench hits my nostrils. They're so funky theres a sign banning them from being taken on the rail network..funny! AVOID, AVOID!

Met a few of these in my time ...ha ha ha!

I don't know what to say about this...theres no words?

This little lad warmed my heart with his first set of 'green toy soldiers'...his little face was alight when his mum passed them to him....ahhh I remember these days.

Tomorrow I head back into Malaysia and start working my way north where I'll eventually connect with my flight to Vietnam early April. My first stop will be Malaka...after a two failed attempts I'm hoping the continued effort to see the place will pay off....Ill keep you posted!

Be good, see you soon xxx