"MAN DOWN!" "MAN DOWN!" Radio in the Chinook...Melaka's twisting my melon man!

I finally make it to Melaka or Malacca (either spelling correct!!)

The coach drops us off at a hotel south of Melaka. My hostel is in the north. I've got a nifty little routine now of printing the map on my phone and making my way on foot to my final destination. Up until now I'm astounded at how well this has worked and figured I'd 'nailed' this self navigation malarkey...I was so proud of myself and was sure to boast of my new found skill on my return to the UK. I'm making good progress albeit struggling slightly, the backpack weighing heavy in the stifling heat ....but I'm ticking of the landmarks and know I'm nearly there. Nearly there however turned into over an hour of circling the same streets, same filth, same sewer stench, same locals who apparently don't know who they are, where they are or even where Melaka is!

Moving on ....with 'house' (backpack) and belongings in tow

After four nights of insomnia, no sleep whatsoever in 'The Funksville Doss House' a seven hour coach journey, two mile hike across town I'm now dehydrated, sunburned and literally buckling under the weight of my back pack. I'm physically and mentally broken down there's not a drop left in tank... the gauge is showing - empty.

The mind (or 'tormentor' as i call it) sees it's window of opportunity, launching a vicious attack and taking full advantage of this low point. The thoughts begin steadily... "I've had enough of slumming it"......"of struggling on my own" ...."being here"...."doing this" ...."it's OK to quit - LOSER"....."I just want to go home and crawl under my own duvet". I think of my tidy home and comfy bed, view of the fields and horses from my window and then spiral deeper .....to my longing to see Owen (who I've been missing terribly) to guilt and regrets of leaving him. The tears come and begin to uncontrollably stream down my face. As I continue to trudge the streets ....it all feels absolutely hopeless, I'm in complete despair... this is the end of the road I feel. A victorious moment for the troublesome mind. 

Through my blurred tears, In the distance I see a hostel which advertises 'Coffee' so head for that knowing I need to stop, take a break and recompose myself (I'm aware 'The Tormentor" has control). It's like an oasis on the horizon and takes what feels like an eternity to reach. I push the door... OMG it's closed! My legs give way in disappointment (I fall in slow motion "Noooooo!!!" like that famous dramatic scene from Platoon with the man on his knees) and I just manage to steer my shaking body to fall squarely onto a bench outside. That's it....I'm done...truly broken. My body collapses hunching in on itself, I've absolutely no idea what to do. I just sit sobbing, directionless halfheartedly scanning through my maps trying to understand where I'm going wrong.

I know I've got to sort this it's 6pm now and night will be closing in, I'm feeling the angst. Once my temperature regulates and I reign the 'mind' in I stagger unsteadily to a standing position, take a deep breath.. knowing I'm not really ready to fight on...but there's no choice.

I hear the door behind me open and a friendly faced Canadian man, fair, blue eyes, mid 50's and slender approaches me. I've never been so happy to see another human being. He opens with "Hi, Where are you trying to find? I notice your struggling?" He shows me on the map my position and directs me to where I've already been....my heart sinks again into hopeless despair. He sees my despondency and says.. "OK stop. I see your distressed, come in and have a drink with us, we'll get you on the Internet, don't worry we'll sort it". 

I swear this was one of those moments in life when there's no doubt your desperate prayer's have been answered....'a mini miracle'.

The whole place was really special. It had a subtle mystical lure and warm ambiance like a flickering candle in the dark. I immediately felt soothed. I wished I was staying here. It was far too nice for the area I was in and a complete contrast to the unhelpful human beings I'd met in Melaka thus far. The people were all lovely, reassuring and helped me on my way, stating firmly to return if it's another failed mission. I did eventually find it (google maps were wrong) and as I sat in reception completing the payment ...the Canadian mans face appeared at the entrance door....he gave me the thumbs up, the biggest smile, winked and disappeared. They obviously gave me a head start, counted to a hundred and came after me to check I'd found it. I was really touched by this gesture, it restored my faith in humanity at a personally very dark point. I'm almost too scared to venture past the hostel now, left wondering whether this place of mystery really did exist?......I'm going to leave it that way, it's a nice thought.

As I'm shown around my new accommodation, my eyes go into shock at the sights covering the entire guest house. It's bright with muriel's painted on every surface of spare wall space. There's a big common area, the shared WC facility is spotless and I'm delighted with my big spacious lucky room No.7. I immediately love it and so relieved that the 'devil is finally off my back'. 

                       

Later on I call Owen mid afternoon UK time ....who wasn't yet in the land of the living after a Friday night out (5am finish) with his uni friends. He was suffering, but is clearly enjoying life....he does make me smile. Safely in the knowledge he's fine (once the hangover clears) and knows I love and miss him, I sleep for 12 hours solid.

After two months on the road Saturday was my lowest point, my breaking point. I knew it was coming ...the constant battle to keep 'The Tormentor' in check and spirits up when 99% of your time is spent inside your own head is inevitably going to have weak points. It was the combination of destructive thoughts, imposed fatigue and raging hormones converging together like the 'crossing of the streams' in ghost busters.... which created a mother of emotional storms. Once it had blown over and a good nights sleep had, I woke feeling like a different person.... but I won't forget that day and I know for sure there'll be others!!!. 

I'm so pleased I persevered with Melaka. As I wander the streets this magical little place pick pockets your affection without you realising it's made contact. It defies all laws of 'normality'....it's animated bonkersness!!! There is street art everywhere and colour seems to be a common thread running though the entire town. The rickshaws or tricycles make me laugh out loud....my eyes are struggling to comprehend it all. They are everywhere you look...gimmicky, tacky, colourful, illuminated, themed (Pokemon, hello kitty, minions, love etc...) and they all have built in sound systems which blast out tracks like "gangnam style'  .and ..'ooh ahh I'm in love with your body' I honestly can't stop laughing. 

It reminds me of a mix of Blackpool with Venice...a beautiful (but stinky) river runs through the town but the bright lights and carnage are an easy match for a British tacky seaside town. 

You can't see it in this picture, but the man in red on the left tried desperately to get me to take a tour in his Rickshaw. It would seem that (and I've seen this a lot) that Malaysians don't cut random hair growth i.e. if they have a hairy mole they leave it, hairs can be over an inch long!...its soo distracting but with this guy it was on his nose. His whole nose was covered in long thick black hair, like a gorilla....I just couldn't take the conversation seriously and was dying to run up with some 'VEET' blob it on and run off...I feel sure it would increase trade!!

Theres lots of great live street music.

  

There's beautiful street art everywhere!

The famous 'Jonker Walk"

The landlady was very dismissive of Melaka when I was in Kuala Lumpur but she was wrong. Its impossible not to enjoy it as a tourist (providing you take it for what it is) its good easy fun. There is also a lot of history here also to enjoy. There are many museums and life size war and ship,train,plane memorabilia to explore (I didn't go into these as I've done so many now), but impressively this little town ran one of the busiest ports in the world at one time. The below information gives the brief summary which I have to say did surprise me.

As usual the British reign got a mention, having done 'naff all' to support this waining little town on its knees. Don't you just love us!

Taking on the rain!!

 There's lots of amazing food to enjoy and I've tried quite a few new things here:

1. Pure Sugar cane juice - way too sweet had to abandon

2. Melaka mango smoothie - this was so sour...I'm not convinced it was mango.

3. Pastries...little pasty type things. I ordered a mushroom and a 'brown' thingy...I think the brown thingy was pure sugar (oooh it was awful)

4. A cheese pie - this was a pastry base filled with primula cheese and baked. Very sickly.

5. Spring rolls - These were amazing

6. Lots of tubs of sweet corn - this ones is a favoutie of mine

7. Fresh mint ice latte 

 

I realise in Malaysia and I suppose throughout south east Asia everything is laced with sugar, they put it in everything. I've had to stop them putting it in my food (which they find a little offensive) but I'll have a coronary if I carry on  like them. The bit I don't get is they also add salt? Would these cancel each other out?

A Komodo Dragon sunbathing by the river

A random find but made me smile....who can remember any of these?

What ever happened to the bread tag in the UK?...this reminds me of being young (don't know why) I didn't realise it had been phased out until I found this.

After a gruelling 12 hours traveling yesterday I'm now in George Town, Penang..I have five days here and am looking forward to leisurely making my way around this famous little town.

Bye for now...til' the next instalment xxx

Your so VAIN, you probably think this blog is about you....

Day 47 - 21st March 2017

Well we've all experienced airport immigration services....today I experienced the 'land crossing' immigration services. What carnage this was. I travelled from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore by bus (which was quite a comfortable experience)...all passengers are told to take their things and head for immigration. Nobody...and I mean NOBODY had a fecking clue what they were doing. I queued over two and a half hours and when I eventually found the bus (which disappears after disembarking) not a single fellow passenger had arrived back. Fortunately I had the sense to make note of the bus number (your impressed right!😉). After another 30 minute wait ...still no-one arrived? the driver shouted "YOU ...come with me!"...so like a sheep I start to follow, though admittedly with a little apprehension. He takes me across the diesel fume filled coach station and introduces me to a young raggedy man (not in uniform) and not the same bus company and announces "get on his bus!"...I'm panicking now. I tried to reason..."you can't just expect me to get on a random bus?" and I point back to the bus I came on and tell him "I want to go on 'that' one" (a big mistake in Singapore...you must not point)...he starts ranting at me in Malaise and I don't understand a word. The other driver then wrestles for my bag but I'm not giving it up "just get on de bas!" the new driver says. I ask "where are you going?"... "your stop" he replies. I'm scanning the passengers on the bus now to see if this is plausible...phew they look like they're off to bingo...ok..so I then ask "which seat?"... "ANY SEAT!" he shouts..."JUST GET ON DE BAS!" I did have to laugh...they were at the end of their tether with me. My original driver was doing me a massive favour allowing me to get on another bus to avoid the long wait for the others through immigration, but the language barrier and my overzealous imagination of being 'human trafficked' had made me nearly miss this act of kindness...I never got to thank him and felt bad about my character assassination of him.

As we drive through Singapore the dense collection of impressive sky scrapers and contemporary architecture is overwhelming...its a jaw dropping moment of WOW! My first impression is this is more of a finished article than the Kuala Lumpur 'wanna be', but for some reason ...I'm not feeling it. Its 'designer', opulent, wealthy, ostentatious and incredibly VAIN! However, I have a rule of staying 48hours in a place before making a firm judgement so lets see how things pan out...

The Sky Park Hotel...On the top is bars, restaurants and an infinity pool!

This is the only time I've ventured out after dark but wanted a few images to capture the flamboyancy of it all...my phone wasn't up to it in the end and the images poor...but you get the flavour.

There are quite a lot of rules for entry in Singapore...no chewing gum, oral liquids and a huge list of banned medications. I lost my 'chewy', mouthwash and all my 'black market' medical supply stash....gutted, I'm beginning to think it wasn't worth it 😞.

I arrive at the hotel and get hit with multiple hidden charges which increase the already overinflated price to three times my normal accommodation budget...for a tiny single room with no window and a gaping hole in the duvet! I'm losing my patience but know I need to give this place a fair chance. The next day I decide to extend my stay another night to calm down and fully explore the city and ask the hotel staff the rate...of course this was even higher than I'd previously paid so I decide to look for an alternative.

A few doors down there's a nice looking hostel so I pop in there. "I'm sorry mam...we're all full", the warm receptionist states apologetically. I notice a man hovering around at the reception who's clearly 'earwigging'. I thank the receptionist and make my way across the street to another hostel (not quite so pretty). The 'hoverer' follows and beckons me...I turn and there he is in all his glory... the sweating, greasy, pot bellied, balding, panting (he's only walked 6 steps) specimen. He stops close to me inhaling a drag of his cigarette and begins in a 'shifty whispering' tone of voice ....."you alone?"..I begin a reply but before my lie can get fully underway he interjects...."I have a room, a bed, you can share with me....you don't need to pay?". I'm stunned and in that moment am reduced to playing 'musical statues', frozen, gobsmacked, fixated on the drifting swirls of smoke from his lit cigarette which slowly smother my face. I regain consciousness, cough and uncomfortably thank him politely declining...It did make me laugh as I walked away mentally noting it as a 'near miss'. I guess I'll never know for sure what this mans intentions were...it of course could have been a generous act of kindness?....but theres no way as long as I remain on this planet I was sticking around to find out!

I'm staying in the 'Muslim quarter'...this is the street I'm staying on and I move across the road for final my night at the 'Superb Hostel' on the left in this picture. This district is actually quite charming, a stroll down Arab Street allows you to integrate and see life as a local muslim, the mosque sits in the heart of it all. I do like the hustle and bustle of it all and indulged in some fantastic street food..

The Superb Hostel literally took my breath away tough, the damp moth ball stench overwhelming. the metal bunk bed contains plastic mattresses and a dubious 'flea'-sy blanket (that is not coming anywhere near me). I immediately gave the place a more 'fitting' title...'The Funksville Doss House' (FDH). To rate the place on a scale of 1-10 (1 being bad) I'd give it -5001...no joke! My room is like a cell...it has absolutely nothing in it and absolutely nothing going for it! The owner was really proud to show me to my room...saying I was lucky because my room had a window...which is opaque gaudy coloured glass contributing absolutely nothing to the space!

So which did I choose...top or bottom?.

There was one toilet shared between ten rooms....mainly Muslim men...it was a mess. I had to refrain from drinking liquids to avoid the necessity of using it!

This is the closest I've ever been, and ever hope to be 'doing time'. I'm feeling right now I've lost all my civil rights!

The racket in the hostel went on throughout the night ....Ive got to now raise, having spent 5 days with a muslim family back in Kuala Lumpur and 4 days in the muslim quarter in Singapore theres a running theme with constant bathroom activity. All through the night there are trips to the WC and the 'bidet sprayer" or simplified 'bum washer' seems to be in constant use?

I did some research and find: In Islamic culture the right hand must not touch the genitals. The WC must be entered first with a prayer and then with the left foot, exit with a prayer and right foot first. You must not speak whilst defecating and all 'areas' must be clean before prayer. It is forbidden to use toilet paper, hence the use of the Bidet Sprayer....yep...'bum washer'

They have seven prayer times a day including 2.45am, 5.45am  and 7am in Malaysia which is why I'm hearing this regular pattern. This is incredible commitment has given me many sleepless nights....but now having researched it I understand it better, nevertheless it's still extremely frustrating!

To tip me over the edge the mosque sends prayers and songs over a loud tannoy system in line with prayer times.....this eerie, haunting sound makes me shiver. I have to chuckle to myself and question why I always seem to manage to find myself in the most ridiculous of circumstances....ahh well I'll manage one night!

After a night of no sleep I'm literally hanging...my coach departs at 7am, though I've never been happier for an early start and a chance to sprint away from this place.

I spent a few days zipping around Singapore on the amazingly well organised, regular and clinically clean MRT rail network. Everything here is absolutely spotless and incredibly efficient. I can sense the former British influence, with many similarities to home but it also has an oriental vibe and is heavily populated with Chinese. On a very positive note I feel completely safe here.

I've visited most of the iconic land marks which are included in the pics below....each one almost 'theatrical' oozing class, intricate delicacy, elegance and detailed to absolute perfection. Theres a big focus on family here too. Its a great place to bring children with many 'disney' themed areas around the city. I genuinely would recommend a visit if your interconnecting on a flight for a few days.

The 'gardens by the bay'

The island of Sentosa and Palawan beach below

China Town....The poor crabs fate below was sealed for the highest lunch bidder. There is no way on this earth I could take the life of any living creature (mozzy's excluded!) to serve my appetite or because 'its fashionable'.

My mums not going to like this one...this is quite a lot of 'Tufty Ducks' been crisped!

The extravagant and famous 'Orchard Road"

The botanic gardens...this was my first ice cream, look I how happy I am ..I look like a kid in a candy store and ever so special!

This is a huge ornament at Marina Bay called 'Rain Oculus'...its mesmerising. I stood for about 30mins fascinated watching the vortex swirl up and down the giant clear glass bowl....I wanted to get inside and slip away down the plug hole!

In summary Singapore for me is a country from the future, they've taken all the 'best bits' from western intelligence and created something thats multiple decades ahead of anything else I've ever seen. Its wealth has been invested positively into the city and its people. Its structures are stunningly magnificent...you cannot help be wowed by what this place has to offer, but for me I can't help feeling for me its too westernised, clinical and somewhat soulless. It is by far the most evolved, developed and 'current' city....but nearing completion I'm left wondering whats next for Singapore?....Where can you go from perfection?

A few randoms to enjoy.....

To all of you reading...but I'm dedicating this little find to Owen x

Check out the club rules... ahh funny..loving no sleeping in the toilet! 

(Kempy we're going to be in trouble if these apply in Vietnam!)

This was the speciality dish...a roast chicken with a can of budweiser stuck up its ass?...called 'beer canned chicken'....made me laugh I did a double take!

Well I learnt something new today at the botanic gardens....I never knew pineapples grow on plants not on trees....I had to ask WIKI just to be sure....so now I know...did you?

Meet the 'durian' fruit....I hate it. Its  caught me out a few times. Basically its pungent and tastes rank! Its been hidden in a few things I've tried...my heart sinks when the distinct stench hits my nostrils. They're so funky theres a sign banning them from being taken on the rail network..funny! AVOID, AVOID!

Met a few of these in my time ...ha ha ha!

I don't know what to say about this...theres no words?

This little lad warmed my heart with his first set of 'green toy soldiers'...his little face was alight when his mum passed them to him....ahhh I remember these days.

Tomorrow I head back into Malaysia and start working my way north where I'll eventually connect with my flight to Vietnam early April. My first stop will be Malaka...after a two failed attempts I'm hoping the continued effort to see the place will pay off....Ill keep you posted!

Be good, see you soon xxx

From the sublime to the ridiculous!!!

Isn't life a funny thing.....

One day you wake up, life goes well and you make it through the day....you know the days where you get a few smiles from fellow humans (that make you feel warm and alive inside), the bathrooms free, the ticket machine accepts your notes, you make the transport link (even though you was late), the list you've had sleepless nights about reduces without an exhausting amount of effort, and your hair falls just the way you want it to. You drift contently off to sleep at the end of the day in love with the world and all its inhabitants.

The next day you wake up and without any rhyme or reason life just goes to complete rat shit....your day begins with a massive cockroach dropping out of the wardrobe, the cleaner walking into your room when you've no pants on, the queue you stand in is definitely the longest (2 hour queue) when it's your turn the counter closes....you queue again (1 hour) but miss the bus anyway. You walk and get lost with seemingly not a single person on this 'kin' planet being able to tell you the correct direction to head in ...oh and no matter how much you straighten your hair that morning you cannot shake the 'Don King' look ...this was my day yesterday...honestly wtf!

I was not happy about sharing my room with this un-paying guest!

Today I decide to try again ...I convince myself a happy and determined attitude is sure to generate a positive outcome. 6am the alarm sounds..I arrive at the station for 7am. There was no queue...a stark contrast to yesterday's mayhem...things are looking up!! I board the 8am coach to Malaka (I've been trying to get there for two days now bear in mind) it's a quaint little town I've read about, two hours south of Kuala Lumpur. 

The lady at the hotel said a one day visit was enough but to book my return ticket as soon as I get to Malaka (I think this little crafty crow knew what she was up to)....it's a ridiculous system where you can't book a return until you get there. We made good time arriving early around 10.40am, a great journey and I'm feeling good 😀. I head straight for the ticket booths asking for a 5pm return. 

I'm swiftly advised there are NO PM return tickets available ....the only one that day 11am!...seriously.....I mean SERIOUSLY! As the bottom drops out of my world AGAIN, with no other choice I purchase the ticket and make a swift WC stop before spending hours returning immediately from where I just came! I pay 0.3 ringgits to use the facility ...which is a dirty hole in the floor and in a fluster and panic to catch the connection completely misaligned and end up peeing all over my shoes!

   

My only view of Malaka...the bus station.... and uh hum .....said shoes!!

The return journey was not joyous and I arrive home 8 hours after leaving having achieved absolutely *uck all with one pair of 'pissed up' shoes in tow! 

It always amazes me how the cycle of life never fails to deliver...you know these days are coming, and everyone has them you just never know when! I was pushed to my limit today but managed to comfort myself in knowing out here your more of an observer if it all...your not in the 'rat race' so dependency on outcome isn't critical ....I just roll with it knowing 'it'll all come right in the end', but it has and I think will always baffle me as to the reason this happens to us all. 

I do feel sorry for people who've booked to come away for some sunshine. It's been raining and thunderstorms for 9 days solid now and continues for the foreseeable according to google weather. I've never seen or heard storms like it...they literally have me jumping out of my skin...it's like a bloody earth quake! (great for cleaning you shoes though...every cloud and all that!). To make things worse everyone has now left the apartment (apart from the critters) so it's just me on my own in 'spooksville'...I'm literally petrified at night.

With such a disastrous couple of days under my belt I don't have too much in terms of scenic views or new places to show so I'm going talk a little bit about my experience of solo travel thus far. 

When you do something like this it's unexplainable...you just know when your ready...it calls you rather than vise verse, you know you'll weather any storm because the urge to continue is so uncontrollably strong.

After 6 weeks on the road I've discovered that backpacking really isn't for the over 40's. I've not met a single person within a decade either side of my age backpacking alone. I've met lots of young people, couples or groups who are revelling in the experience and it's wonderful to see and everything I would like for Owen to experience (I'm always asking for tips) but the reality is no one wants to be saddled with 'Shirley Valentine' (seriously no sympathy or pity required it's just an honest observation). I have brief and fleeting conversations along the way and I will definitely continue this way because this is how I enjoy it...I don't need company, but you've seriously got to have rhino hide and be happy in your own company to survive it. 

You also must have self awareness. You inevitably have moments of loneliness, home sickness and general malaise but I've learnt to recognise when you feel like this to first serve your basic needs. Ask yourself what you need? I find with me its primarily over tiredness. This creeps up on you without warning. Moving every 4 days requires a lot of effort. The thing I find the most taxing is researching your next stop, booking transfers, hotels, currency changes, visa entry requirements etc, its exhausting and no matter how 'on top of it all' you feel, it soon catches up with you. So this is when you have to 'check in' with yourself. Basic needs: Sleep, rest, food, hydration. Take the time to address all these and your spark for travel soon re-ignites. 

One last thing that is really starting to 'get on my pip' though is the looks of disdain from locals. This is pretty much the same throughout my trip. I understand that they are a Buddhist or Muslim culture (Dependant on where you are)..and there is a huge cultural gap. I'm as respectful as possible and have learnt to wear tops with sleeves and long shorts/trousers where necessary and am sensitive to their beliefs. Britain however as a country has been taught to accept and embrace these religions, their buildings and the associated cultural behaviours.....so I'm sorry here's where I draw the line and honestly believe we deserve the same respect in return. Yes this really bugs me... and I've started a personal defiant campaign to stare back. Rant over.....and breath!

No-one will ever sit next to me willingly on transport...if they must they always leave half a seat between you and them - how rude!

To finish off I'm adding a few randoms to the post to keep the reality and honesty of my trip in tact.

     

Women only carriages on the rail network...women have been fighting for equal right for years, what a backward step this is. One of the 'signs' (to the right) no indecent behaviour...a kissing couple?!

This poor woman was made to crawl on her hands and knees for circa 250 steps, stopping and praying at each...she was really struggling and upset at about 75 steps in, it was a pitiful sight. I wanted to punch him and tell her to run off with me. There is no way on this earth I would be on my hands and knees for any man!

    

There's lots of disturbing sights... homelessness, mental illness and begging on the streets. These two were in the same place everyday for the duration of my stay. I struggled with this but noticed the Malaysian people are extremely generous and were constantly donating to their people.

This little tot captured my heart...she was wandering alone with adult flippy flops on the wrong feet no pants. I wanted to bring her home. I stayed with her around 15 minutes until eventually her mother came back, they live on the street. She kept touching my hand and smiling....I adored her.

I found the 'pound shop'... I took this just for you Jill Bennet!!!

Look whats coming ladies, imported from Japan...bum pants!! Thankfully we need never worry about

saggy arses again! ....I could have done with these back in Bangkok!!

One glass of wine: 48 Malaysian Ringgit ...Approximately £8!!!....I'll be having just the one then!

A pet store...a sorry sight with animals having barely any room to move...they were crying, I couldn't handle this it was upsetting.

Three blind masseurs? All these questions come to me...I mean how?...do they feel their way?...what if they massage the wrong part? ha ha ha it's these little things that keep me entertained.

   

I leave Kuala Lumpur today, had a great time here but It's now time to move on again..... Next stop Singapore!

PS I'm off now to find that lady from the toilet scene in 'Full Monty' to see if she can give me some tips on 'aim' ha ha ha

Bye for now xxx